Honor & Obey (Honor Series) Page 10

  “You love me?”

  I knew it was a stupid thing to say to a man who had no idea who I was. To him, this was just a casual fling. One of many he has had in his life, I am sure. Pain stabbed at my heart. I’m sure he was regretting bringing this stranger into his bed, no matter how drawn to me he felt.

  “Look at me.” He wasn’t commanding like the William I knew. His voice was shaky. I slowly turned my head to look him in the eye. He stared at me quietly before his hips slowly began to rock into me. My body picked up where it had left off, my orgasm building deep inside of me as I stared into William’s eyes from above him.

  Every emotion I had felt for him washed over me as my release finally came. He never became rough of forced me to do anything. It was exactly what I needed. I slid off his body and lay back on the mattress.

  I turned on my side as his arms wrapped around me from behind and he trailed tiny kisses over my shoulder. My body shook against his as I cried silently to myself. His grip tightened but he did not say a word. He held me until I fell asleep in his arms.

  I really was alone now. Even with William’s arms wrapped around me. He had no recollection of what he put me through, the loss I suffered before our accident. I felt empty and broken.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The next morning the smell of coffee surrounded me. I woke from a nightmare free night. At least his unknowing arms still offered me comfort. I stretched and slipped out of bed. I found my suitcase at the far side of his room and dug through it for a pair of underwear. All of my clothes had been washed and folded neatly back in the case. I was grateful considering William was making it a habit to rip apart my underwear. I would have to go shopping soon.

  I got dressed and quietly tiptoed out into the expansive living area. I sat down at the island. William was leaning over the far counter, his back to me as he bent over, his hands in his dark hair. I wanted to run to him, to wrap my arms around him, but I couldn’t. I should have never slept with him last night. It was only a band-aid over our problems. They ran far too deep. My hand made a noise as I brought it down on the counter and William’s head shot up, realizing he was no longer alone.

  “Sorry.” I tucked my hair behind my ear. He rolled his head from side to side, stretching his neck before grabbing the pot of coffee and filling two mugs.

  He sat a steaming mug down in front of me, turning to dig some milk out of the fridge. I poured a heavy helping of sugar into my cup and he topped it off with a splash of milk.

  “Thank you,” I whispered and took a small sip. William didn’t join me. He stayed on the far side of the counter, spinning the container of sugar over the surface. I blushed as I watched it in his hands, remembering a very fun morning with him on this very counter.

  When I looked up his eyes where already on mine as he watched me.

  “Do you… remember anything new?” I held my breath as he stared for another moment.

  “I wish I did.” His eyes dropped back to the sugar before he released it and took a long drink from his mug. I nodded and focused on my cup, praying my pink cheeks would fade back to normal. I couldn’t allow my heart to be his without knowing the truth. At this rate, I wasn’t sure he would ever remember.

  “Hungry?” William had turned to the fridge, and was pulling out breakfast foods. I shrugged my shoulders.

  My appetite was still not making an appearance. I was too stressed out. “I think I’ll skip breakfast.”

  He didn’t say anything. He began cracking eggs into a dish, adding a splash of milk and a few spices. As his pan heated, he diced up some lunchmeat and mozzarella to add to the concoction. I watched his muscles flex and pull in his back as he worked. I followed the lines of his tribal tattoo that wrapped up his arm and over his shoulder, disappearing over his chest.

  I don’t know how long I was staring. Lost in the thought of him. He turned and placed to plates down on the counter. It smelled phenomenal, but my stomach was still in knots.

  “I don’t think I can.” I placed a hand over my stomach as it filled with butterflies. He rounded the island and took a seat next to mine. His arm brushed against mine.

  “You need to eat something.” He cut his food and placed a bite in his mouth.

  “I’m fine, really.” I smiled politely and his face went expressionless.

  “Eat.”

  I guess some things never change. I picked up my fork and speared a small bite of eggs, blowing on it before sticking it in my mouth.

  “Thanks.” I shot him an appreciative smile. He smiled back and continued to devour his breakfast.

  When we finished eating, he stood to take our plates. I placed my hand on his wrists to stop him.

  “Why don’t you let me get that?” I stood and grabbed the plates from his hands. I needed something to distract me. Anything to take my mind off him. I knew last night was a horrible mistake. It would be twice as hard to walk away when he begins to remember.

  William’s hands snaked around my waist as I scrubbed our plates. I let my eyes fall closed for a second as he nuzzled into my neck.

  “William…”

  “Shh…” His lips brushed against my throat.

  “I don’t think we should do this.” I struggled to keep my breath even but my heart was already racing.

  “Don’t think.” His hand slipped to the waistband of my panties. His fingers dipping under the edge of the thin fabric.

  “I can’t.”

  All of the air left the room as William’s body stilled behind me. I opened my eyes as he backed away from my body. I turned to face him. He was running his hands through his hair and letting out a deep breath.

  “What’s the problem?” His hands stretched out in front of him. I backed myself against the sink as I struggled not to run into his arms.

  “You don’t remember…You don’t…” Tears filled my eyes as I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  He stepped closer, filling the gap between us. His hands rubbed against my cheek.

  “It doesn’t matter. Whatever happened doesn’t matter now. We are here. We both want to be with each other. Why fight it?” His thumb stroked the corner of my eye and I let them fall closed, bathing in his touch.

  “I may not know what I did to hurt you so badly, but I know that we once loved each other. I know you still love me or you wouldn’t be here right now. I know it hurts you to be with me, but you are willing to suffer through the pain to be by my side.” His body moved closer until he was touching every part of me.

  “I know I love you, too. I can feel it.” He took my and held it tightly on his chest. His heart was beating out of control.

  “Give me a chance to make this right. I will do anything to make this right.”

  My tears began to fall at his confession. My heart couldn’t take any more. I pushed my lips hard against his as his free hand slipped into my hair and held me firmly against him.

  “I’m sorry,” He whispered into my mouth. “Start over with me. We can make new memories. I’ll be whoever you need me to be.”

  I threw my arms around him and squeezed him as tightly as I could. I wanted that. More than anything. I needed that. I needed him.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  After all we had been through; I wanted to do something carefree and fun. I took William to see a new movie I had been dying to see. It was a romantic comedy and I knew he wasn’t enjoying it. He didn’t complain though. He sat beside me, holding my hand and chuckling softly. It was nice being out and acting as if we were a normal couple.

  I even began to believe it over dinner as we sat in booth in the middle of a nearly empty restaurant. I was nervous we would run into someone we knew, but William stroked the back of my hand and assured me that none of that mattered to him. He was willing to give up everything if it made me happy.

  I didn’t want that. He would one day resent me for taking away something he loved. It would be selfish. Still, I let my mind entertain the idea.

  He even remembered what f
oods he liked and disliked when he read over the menu. I was excited for his progress but terrified that all of this would come crashing down soon.

  “What’s wrong?” His voice was wrought with concern. I smiled weakly.

  “It’s nothing.” I glanced down at the menu and tried to keep the mood light.

  “Please, just tell me what is bothering you so I can make it right.”

  I laced my fingers in his. Just as I opened my mouth to speak a young woman, around my age approached the table.

  “Hey, Mr. Honor!” She was bubbly and cheery. I pulled my hand back quickly and placed it on my lap. I didn’t recognize her. She must have been in his class during a different period. Her eyes shot back between us. William nodded and smiled and the girl continued on her way.

  “Who was that?” I asked, leaning in and keeping my voice at barely a whisper.

  “I have no idea.” He cocked his eyebrow and I broke out in a spontaneous giggle fit. Of course he didn’t know.

  “She is probably one of your students.” I waited for him to process that information.

  “I’m a teacher?” he laughed at the idea.

  “A professor at Kippling College.”

  “Were you one of my…” He raised an eyebrow, struggling to regain the memories of his life.

  I nodded but didn’t elaborate. I’m sure it was becoming obvious that our relationship was less than traditional.

  Our meal went well without any other close calls. I made sure to keep my hands on my side of the table, fighting the urge to touch him.

  William begged me to give him the keys to drive us back to his place, but I stood firm.

  “You don’t even know how to get home!” I joked.

  “Two lefts and straight through to Riverton Street.” His face was unreadable.

  My breath caught in my throat.

  “Me?” I could barely push out the word. He shook his head and looked down at the ground. I sighed and watched him open the passenger side door, slipping in. I relaxed and joined him inside the car. I immediately cranked the volume on the radio. All of this was so overwhelming.

  A faint ringing sounded, barely audible over the music. I glanced at William as he slipped his phone from his pocket. He glanced at the screen and slipped it back into his pocket.

  “Who was that?” I asked. I didn’t care if my voice was laced with jealousy.

  “I don’t know.” He shrugged and looked out the passenger window. Rage flew through me as I whipped the car to the shoulder of the road and slammed it into park.

  “You knew enough not to answer it. Who was it?” My heart was pounding out of my chest. Of course William’s past wouldn’t just melt away with his memories.

  “Someone named Allison.”

  My heart seized in my chest. It felt like someone had punched me hard in the stomach and I literally doubled over in pain.

  “You… remember her?” I was on the verge of passing out and my heart pounded like a drum in my ears.

  “No. She called while you were gone. I had no idea who she was… at first.” His hands reached for mine and I pulled back, disgusted. “I don’t remember her. I only have what she said to go by.”

  I turned back to the steering wheel and let my head rest against it.

  “Please.” His voice cracked as he spoke.

  I put the car in drive and headed toward his place, not bothering to adhere to the speed limit. I didn’t care what happened to me any longer. I was dying inside. Dying for him. I needed to make the pain go away. I knew he could do that for me even if he didn’t remember how.

  When we made it to his place, I barely waited for the car to stop before jumping out and slamming the door. I hated him. I hated the way I felt, but I couldn’t run away.

  He followed me up the stairs. I unlocked the door and pushed it open, going inside and waiting for him. He looked sad and for a moment, I felt sorry for him. That feeling was quickly washed away as his phone rang again. I shoved him hard against the wall next to the door. I pushed it closed with my elbow.

  My hands quickly worked to undo the buckle of his belt as he stared at me, not sure if it was okay to touch me. I wanted to make him remember, or, at the very least, make myself forget. I pulled down his zipper and freed him from his boxers. He reached for me, his fingers trailing down my arm. I pushed it away. He groaned as my fingers wrapped around him and his body twitched beneath my grip.

  “Emma, please…”

  I placed my finger over his lips to keep him from talking. I didn’t want to fight or talk things out. I just wanted to be lost in pleasure. I sank to my knees and took him in my mouth.

  “Ahh…” His fingers tangled in my hair. I pulled back, using my teeth to scratch his length. “Fuck, Emma.” His head fell back against the wall as I circled my tongue around him, pushing him deeper into my throat. “I want you,” he moaned.

  I bit lightly, warning him to stop talking. His hands fisted, pulling my hair at the nape of my neck. I opened my mouth and waited for his hands to relax. They did and I rewarded him by licking his length. As another quiet moan escaped him, I backed away and rose to my feet. His mouth hung open as he struggled to regain his composure. I turned and walked to the bedroom. His eyes followed me and eventually so did he.

  I stood at the foot of the bed.

  “In here I’m in charge.” I cleared my throat and tried to sound confident. “You don’t touch me unless I tell you it’s okay.” He walked closer, but stopped short. I grabbed his belt and slid it out of his belt loops. “Take your clothes off.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  I watched him pull his shirt over his head, the muscles of his stomach flexing as he moved. He slipped his jeans over his hips and kicked them to the side. I looked to his boxers and back to his eyes. He swallowed hard and shoved them down. His hand immediately wrapped around his shaft.

  “I didn’t tell you to touch yourself.”

  His hand reluctantly moved and he clenched his fist.

  “Lay down.” I motioned towards the bed with my head.

  He crawled to the center of the bed and waited for me. I pulled my shirt over my head as his eyes danced over my body. My body was still shaking with anger. I slipped my jeans and underwear over my hips together and kicked them off my feet. I reluctantly looked back up to William, clutching the belt in my hand. No point in stopping now.

  I climbed up the bed, forcing him to lie down beneath me.

  “Put your hands above your head.” My voice cracked and I silently scolded myself. “Now!” I shouted with much more confidence. He lifted his hands above him and I smiled. It worked. I took the belt and looped it over his wrists and through a slat in his headboard. He tugged at the restraints. I raked my nails down his chest, watching his muscles jump under my fingers. He licked his lips as he lifted his hips into me. My eyes fell closed, losing myself in the sensation. “No,” my voice was small and I had to swallow hard to fight back the moan that threatened to escape my lips. “Don’t move.” I smacked him hard on the chest. His jaw clenched, but his hips dropped back to the mattress. My teeth dug into my lower lip and I reached between us, grabbing him firmly in my hands.

  I pushed him against me as I slowly slid my body down over him. He was rock hard and obviously enjoyed being dominated just as much as he enjoyed doing it to others. I rocked my hips against him as I let my hands wander over my chest, pinching my nipples into hard peaks. William groaned as he watched me, pulling on the belt to free himself. I turned my attention back to him. I ran my finger down over his mouth. He kissed against my finger, flicking it quickly with his tongue. I let my eyes fall closed, not able to stare into his eyes without being overrun by sadness. A lump formed in my throat. I let my hands slide to his shoulders, gripping him painfully tight until wetness coated my fingertips. Panic soon overtook my sadness as I opened my eyes. Smears of blood dotted his perfect body.

  “I-I’m sorry.” My hips stilled.

  “Don’t stop.” He pushed himself deeper
inside of me, not fazed by the pain. I matched his movement, coming down harder on him, twisting my hips to rub myself against his pubic bone. He growled and my body began to twitch around him. My body trembled as we both reached the peak of our pleasure. I collapsed onto his chest and reached above his head, freeing his hands.

  As soon as he was unbound, his arms wrapped around my body. He pulled me tightly into his chest, cradling me.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you,” I whispered as I gently stroked the nail marks on his shoulder.

  “I’ve obviously hurt you far worse. I deserve whatever you give me.” He squeezed me into him and kissed the top of my head.

  It was unlike William to be so caring. I knew he had loved me but I had never seen this side of him. The accident didn’t magically make him into a new person. This was a part of him that had always been there. It was comforting. I needed this from him now more than ever.

  “Emma.” He waited for me to respond. I turned my head to face him. “Tell me about you.”

  I sighed and buried my head back into his chest. “What do you want to know?” I tensed in his arms.

  “Everything.”

  “I am an only child. I grew up in Michigan. I came to live with my aunt a few years ago when…” I was giving him the cliff’s notes version of events. I didn’t like bringing up the horrible things in my life that I couldn’t change.

  “What?” he coaxed me to continue.

  “When my parents died in a car accident.”

  His body went rigid and his breathing grew heavier.

  “A car accident?” he asked as if he misunderstood. I nodded against him. “Fuck, Emma. You must have been so scared when I…” I knew exactly what he was thinking.

  “It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident.”

  “I could have killed us both.” He swallowed hard and I felt his heart rate pick up in his chest, thudding against my ear.

  “You remember…”

  He shook his head and his grip tightened around me and I could barely breathe but I didn’t pull away. Tears began spilling from my eyes onto his chest. “That’s why you hate me…” His voice trailed off.